You are attractive

Here is another complaint/observation I have about one of the messed up trends in our society: we don't give out compliments. Not enough. How many times do you hear that you are attractive, smart, witty, fun, charismatic, supportive, whatever? And who do you hear those compliments from? Our parents are good for some compliments, especially when we were younger. But who now? Certainly our significant others. But I have noticed that we don't seem to compliment our friends, acquaintances, or complete strangers enough.

Is it because we don't think that they will accept/appreciate the compliment? Is it because we think that only those that really know and care deeply for a person should give out those compliments? Do we not say it for fear that it will make the target of the compliment feel awkward? Seriously, just because I say that someone is attractive or fun to be around, that doesn't mean that I have to want to have sex with that person or that I am in love with him/her. {yeah, and that him/her thing should a whole other blog. I am all for a 3rd person singular gender neutral pronoun, dammit!} Or, do we not pay compliments because they have come to be full of insincerity? And maybe that is why so many people have a problem accepting compliments. High correlation? I think so. Cause & effect? Maybe, but if so, which way? How can you believe in a compliment if so many are just ice cream cones? {something sweet that melts in 5 minutes; something just to make you happy} Or, why would you spend the time & effort to pay someone a compliment if they are just going to roll their eyes at you and reply with an insincere thank you.

So, if these are problems with where our society has gone, and I think they are, how do we fix this? First off, pay someone a compliment. And do it right: stop, look them in the eyes, and say it slowly. A compliment is something that you should enjoy saying, something that you just feel you cannot keep to yourself. Second, smile and thank the next person who pays you a compliment. Just accept that, even if you don't believe it yourself yet, the compliment is something that they see and believe in you.

-A

Alli Fast

What is it about driving fast that makes me feel so much better? I can get into my car in a foul mood, riled up, near tears, whatever. But, drop down the window, crank up the music, and fly across the road and then I am feeling better. There is just something about the feeling of the car going faster and pushing you forward through space, of going around curves and the pull to the side, of zipping sideways in and out of lanes and the dip in the gut. The stress just melts away and a smile comes to my face. I drag my hand through the air outside the window. I dance to the music. I enjoy myself. Stops don't even bother me all that much because I know that in a few minutes I will have my foot on the gas again and feel the power of the car accelerating. Mmmm! Love it!

Alli go fast. Alli feel better.

-A

Who am I?

I have a few insecurities. Don't we all? But mine tend to revolve around who I am. I don't see me as having a clear cut personality. Damn you Katie Atkinson for saying those words so long ago, but they have sat in my memory for years. I feel that I often become whoever I need to be around different people, a chameleon of personalities. So, if it changes that much, what is it that I am? Or, is that a personality type? I was told tonight that I make people comfortable around me ... is that because of who I am or that I am adept at reflecting back to them someone they want to be around. Or, again, is that a personality in and of itself and this isn't something to stress and fret over. Maybe I just need to accept that who I am is just so many different, near opposite ideas, and not that I change to fit the situation. But that what I am is a personality that is quiet & outgoing, reserved & flirty, dreamer & grounded, chaotic & a planner.

Ok, bare with me because to me this is related: I don't have many friends. Or, I don't perceive myself to have many friends. I would say that I can count on one hand the number of people that actively seek to spend time with me, and I acquired 3 of them in the last few months. Ok, not counting family. And I mean people that don't include me in a long list of others, that don't include me as an after thought, that don't include me because I am dating or married to one of their friends. I am sure some of this is my fault. Often, I don't go seeking to spend time with people who could be closer friends (Melanie, Honey, Gail ... ) because I don't think that they would want to spend time with me. What kind of messed up self-fulfilling set up is that?!?!? Or, like the folks at work, I don't think they'd like the real me so they only see small parts of who I am. Gah! But if I don't know who I am, then who am I showing them and who am I hiding?!?! Yeah, I'm a bit messed up on this.

I know when I left Jason, I was really worried about where I would land among our friends. I had become so distant from my friends in NC after the move down here. And I chalked most of my new friends in Georgia as actually being Jason's friends and my acquaintances. Which is pretty much how that turned out. I acquired new friends then through Brooks ... but they seem to have become distant through our break-up. Not all, but some. So, as I look back, I don't see a solid group of friends that have been with me for longer than 5 years. I had friends in high school, in college, while teaching in NC, and now while living in GA. But it seems that rarely does a friendship with someone carry over into the next segment of the timeline of my life. Again, I'm willing to take some of the fault. But then that bothers me about who that makes me. I wonder what it is about me that seems to get a good group of friends, and then cut them loose and move on to another group.

So, for now, thank you to those that are my friends. My goal is to do better by you and not lose you in the next few years. My goal is to also set up some time for me to get together with some of the others, the ones that may be lost friends if I don't.

-A