A heart the size of the world

Ever notice how some words just pierce right through any armor in place and penetrate your heart? What gives those words that ability? What gives some people the ability to say those words? Does it improve with practice? Is it an overall ability that a person can use with everyone, or does it work with certain recipients?

I have definitely noticed when it happens, both from me and to me. As to the other questions, I don't know. I wish I did. Every time I manage to pull it off (usually without ever meaning to) it is a small gift. A bonus. A treat. I made someone's heart skip a beat. I helped to show them just who or what they truly are. I made them speechless as they try to assimilate the truth of my words into their understanding of the world and their place in it.

B - you do have a heart the size of the world.

The Perfect Woman

I got a great compliment yesterday. I was offering to paint up a miniature for a friend and mentioned that I was an *award winning painter* now! Yeah, I was bragging. I think I'm a pretty good mini-painter and I've been absolutely thrilled since the con that I won (well, tied) a painting contest.

After that, I was told I was the "perfect woman". Then, my qualities were listed: I paint minis, I game -and I'm not the wife that gets dragged to gaming, I actively seek it out- , I roleplay, I look good (and what woman really hates hearing that???), I wear snarky t-shirts (yesterday was "rogues do it from behind" - hey! I was playing my rogues yesterday!), and I crack witty jokes.

I've got to admit, that was a very pleasing ego boost! Thank you, Sean. The next beer is on me!

I think a lot of it is that I have always gotten along better with men than with women. And I don't know why that is. It works out well in the gaming community, there really aren't that many women that play rpgs. Hell, that just makes me more of a unique quantity.

I really hated moving down to the Hot-lanta area. It took me over a year before I started even making friends. And all of them are gamers. That certainly isn't a complaint. I'm thankful. If it weren't for the active gaming community here, it would be just me and the family. Odd ... with the gamers, at cons, I am constantly seeing people, chatting, smiling, having fun. Outside of them, I'm very much alone. Even looking at my buddy list on Trillian, the only people on there other than gamers are either family (and in my family, only my mom isn't a gamer also) or my students.

Hrmmm ... my students ... that is a post for a different day.

L8r

Someone Special

Thank you, love! You just made me feel so incredibly special. I've never had someone tell me that they wished they could give me a dream, that they want to give me magic, that they would create for me a day in which I was the center of so much. I wasn't lying or exaggerating when I said I wasn't used to that. I didn't grow up with the focus and adoration of my parents ... any of them. My wedding wasn't much in the way of a celebration. We got married at the county jail house, I was 7 months pregnant, my daughter and mother were there. I've never been sad about it or found that day lacking. It did what it needed. I just didn't realize until today that I would have enjoyed the romance.

I don't know how you can make me so happy and so sad at the same time. You've disagreed with me, but I really don't have a right to expect to get anymore than I do. Love or not, there are circumstances that will keep us from getting all that we want. I don't want to mope and mourn for what I can not have, I don't want to pine for more. You have given me so much. I am happy for that. I am happy for every smile you show me, for every caring thought you have for me.

A

Hunger

Ever love someone so much that just being away from them hurt? It shouldn't, right? The love ought to brighten every part of your life. Bah! I'm just moody. Being sexually unsatisfied and frustrated twice today, my body hungers for some attention. Having not eaten much today, my body hungers for plain ol' food. Having not slept much last night, my body just needs rest. I'm starved for some of the basics, and it is making me depressed. Easy fix = go eat then go have sex then go to sleep. But it is just a downward spiral. I'm hungry, but not appetized, so I don't eat. Since my energy reserves are dropping low, I don' t have sex. The sleep bit ... eh, that will come.

*mental kick to the head* Agh! Stop it. I'm going to get something to snack on.

...

Hmmmm ... less than 2 hours left in the first day of the new year. Would you believe that I haven't thought of any resolutions. Guess I ought to start:

1. I resolve to stop moping around when I get in a funk ... that'll be hard to do. Sometimes a funk and a healthy cry just feel so good.
2. I resolve to spend more time with my kids. (annual thing :) )
3. I resolve either to do my job right or to quit ... I'm sick of whining about it.
4. I resolve to be grounded and search for my connections (another annual thing)

...

I'm sure there will be more. Aren't there always?

To B & J, I love you both so very much. How can I have a life with both of you? How can I not?