Being me

Funny, Mark's blog brought be back to Blogger and thinking of this old blog yet again. Lots of changes for me lately and they have got me thinking. Who am I now? Who have I been the last 3 years? I was there some of the time. But I do not feel like I was being true to myself. I hope I am back to being me. I feel like I am. Or at least trying to be true to who I want to be and figuring out who that might be.

Often I feel like I am becoming me again, I come back things that I enjoy but left behind ... for whatever reason. But, then I lose myself again. Lose myself into the day to day life. Lose myself into a relationship that isn't healthy. I am sick of losing myself. How do we do that so many times in our lives? How do we let it happen? I guess it isn't right to say "we". I think it is a glitch in my personality. I have this tendency to diminish who I am into someone that I think others expect me to be.

In other thoughts, all loves are different. And all new loves feel like they are the best there has ever been. Is that just the feeling because it is so good or is that the feeling because it really is better? Doesn't each new love need to be better than those before for us to pursue it? I mean, what would be the point in pursuing a love that feels just like something before or worse than something before.

Yep, you guessed it. I'm in love again. And it feels amazing. But unlike last time, I feel like I get to be me. I share my flaws rather than trying to hide or compensate for them. I don't want to fall into that trap of presenting someone I'm not and then having to be that false-me for the rest of the relationship.

Here's to it being good this time. Here's to be being strong. Here's to me figuring out who I am.

-A

Away too long

Everything goes in cycles. I post here off and on ... but I know it is here. Why not more often? I only came back here today because I was bored and decided to catch up on a buddy's blog. I say "buddy" but he doesn't even know that I know of his blog. I haven't seen him in a while and if I emailed him, I doubt he would know who I was unless I mentioned my husband. My husband ... my soon to be ex-husband. Who do I become once we are divorced? Who am I now to my friends that I acquired through him? I've already lost one friend because of this separation. I wonder how many more ... I wonder how many won't even be able to recall who I am when I can't say that I am Jason's wife any more.

Anyways, back to Mark's blog - he was a paladin (which I can see) so I had to go and see what class I was. :( First I was an NPC ... nothing special. Not anything good, just exactly that: nothing special. Who wants to be nothing special. So, of course I couldn't just leave it at that. I took the quiz again. I only changed a few answers and still really don't think that I incorrectly answered any the first or second time through but this time I get a prestige class. Odd that only 2 or 3 different answers bumped me up from NPC, past a regular class, to a prestige class. I'm guessing it is just a prestige class because it says that I'm a mix of two classes/abilities.

Arcane Trickster
22% Combativeness, 100% Sneakiness, 76% Intellect, 47% Spirituality
Brilliant and sneaky: You are an Arcane Trickster!
Score! You have a prestige class. A prestige class can only be taken after you've fulfilled certain requirements. This may mean that you're an exceptionally talented person, but it probably doesn't.
Arcane Tricksters combine arcane magic with rogue skills and sensibilities. They use their magic to confuse their opponents or to augment their more mundane, roguish skills. If you thought it was annoying keeping an eye that that rogue, the Arcane Trickster is probably picking your pocket from the other side of the room.
Both smart and sneaky, you're probably the type of person that loves planning practical jokes... either that or knocking over banks.



My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 13% on Combativeness

You scored higher than 99% on Sneakiness

You scored higher than 61% on Intellect

You scored higher than 36% on Spirituality

The RPG Class Test
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=1532690756472625027